I have so much on my mind right now.  I’m sure you’ve all had those moments when everyone around you is going through hard times and you wish so badly you could just scoop them up and fix things.  That’s how I feel today.  These past two weeks have been full of sadness and stress but also a time of really seeing God’s goodness.  I’ve already shared our journey with Ryan these past few weeks and the wide range of emotions I have gone through as we have felt like we were at the end of the road with options to “fix” him.  And in reality there is no fixing to do because Ryan is exactly as God intended him to be.  I am the one who has needed fixing.  My perspective.  My attitude.  My faith.  I have prayed Proverbs 30:8 every single day for so long now wanting it to be the only desire of my heart.

Give me neither poverty nor riches but give me only my daily bread.

And I’m sure you will all see me quote it again and again in future posts.  It’s an amazing place to be dwelling in this moment, teaching my brain not to focus on future what if’s or past if only’s.  It’s not easy to learn to live in the moment, having simple thanks for God’s provision in this little space of time.  But the joy that has filled my heart as I’ve learned to do just that is an overflowing fountain of grace and acceptance.  Of being able to say OK God, whatever you say, do as you will.  Of being able to experience peace when everything around me seems to be falling apart.  Of being able to know in the deepest corners of my heart God is an amazing provider, a loving Father who desires to bless us with his goodness.  He is El Roi, the God who sees. What an amazing promise to know he is already aware of everything in my life because He sees my inmost being, He knows my joys and fears, He is intimate with the longings of my heart. 

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. ~ Isaiah 46:4

In the past week, I’ve learned my best friend’s cervical cancer has not spread so she can have a radical hysterectomy and not have to go through chemo.  This is the same woman who has three kids 11 yrs old and younger who lost her own mom to breast cancer when she was twelve.  And someone else very close to my heart is enduring much persecution at work, being attacked and belittled.  A sweet friend from high school’s wife was just diagnosed with stage two breast cancer and has a long, difficult battle ahead.  My sweet Ryan’s seizures continue to wreak havoc on his little body and just this morning he has a massive myoclonic jerk that threw him to the kitchen floor.  There are several other friends who come to mind with lingering health problems, financial hardships, emotional baggage they have carried far too long, trials of all sorts.  But isn’t this life?  We live in a fallen, broken world.  Yet there is hope in the One who saves, who picks us up and carries our burdens, who lavishes His forgiveness and grace on our imperfect choices.  And I am again reminded of one of my other favorite verses from Psalm 27:13 ~

I am still confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

We have nothing if not for the hope of eternity and also the hope of God’s goodness right here today no matter what situation we face.  He is a good God and while He doesn’t promise us an easy, carefree life here on earth, he does promise the joy of eternity with Him, to meet all of our needs, to fill us with his love and grant his mercy when we least deserve it.  He promises never to leave or forsake us.  It’s with that security found only in relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that Travis and I face each day knowing good things are to come.  Not in our timing, not by the means we hope for, not as easily as we’d like, but God’s blessing and perfect will for our lives is coming.  It’s here today too; I don’t want to miss it in this moment.  I love the Jesus Calling devotionals by Sarah Young, and the one for today is so worth sharing.  May he be your Anchor today in whatever you are facing as well.

July 29 ~ Come to me continually.  I am meant to be the Center of your consciousness, the Anchor of your soul.  Your mind will wander from Me, but the question is how far you allow it to wander.  An anchor on a short rope lets a boat drift only slighty before the taut line tugs the boat back toward the center.  Similarly, as you drift away from Me, My Spirit within you gives a tug, prompting you to return to Me.  As you become increasingly attuned to My Presence, the length of rope on your soul’s Anchor is shortened.  You wander only a short distance before feeling that inner tug – telling you to return to your true Center in Me.