February is coming to a close which means spring is just around the corner!  I am ready for warmer days, more sunshine, flowers, green grass, cool evenings sitting on the deck, long walks and the rejuvenation of new life that blesses us every year.  February has come and gone rather quickly at our house, and there hasn’t been a lot to speak of in the last few weeks which is fine with me.  I love the saying no news is good news and have enjoyed the mundane routine of the past few weeks.  Over the years I’ve really come to cherish the ebb and flow of routine and normalcy. 

Just this week we have been sadly reminded how quickly the safety and security of daily living can be snatched from underneath us leaving us breathless and shocked.  On Monday a great man and fellow police officer, respectfully known as a gentle giant, passed away while working out at a gym here in Lincoln.  Travis had the great privilege of working with John for the twelve years he was employed by LPD and still kept in touch with him during these past five years.  John leaves behind his wife, Lisa, and three children, Chayse, Hope and Colton, all at home. Lisa has a special place in my heart because years ago when we were starting our journey of hospitalizations, labels, therapy, drugs and all that having a special needs child entails, she came beside me and walked this well-known road with me giving me strength and knowledge for the journey as well as a listening ear.  She and John have walked their own very similar path with Chayse, their high school daughter.  It’s a very tough road to navigate and now she must do it alone.  I can’t imagine parenting alone and my heart goes out to her and their three beautiful children.  Please pray with me that in the days and weeks and months ahead Lisa and the kids will feel the love and comfort of family and friends, but more importantly that they will rest in the loving arms of our Almighty Father.   

Ryan has been sick this week and hasn’t been able to go to school.  He’s had a fever, runny nose, harsh cough  and is gagging a lot.  He isn’t eating and has been sleeping most of each day away.  His fever broke yesterday but today he took a six hour nap and is now sleeping again on the couch.  Whatever he is fighting is sapping him of energy which is usual for him.  With all his seizures his poor little body just doesn’t have the reserve to fight an infection without being completely exhausted.  We did take him to the doctor on Monday and he was started on another antibiotic for his fifth ear infection in six months; the meds are probably helping whatever he is fighting.  I’m pretty sure most of this is viral though since his lungs sound clear and (thank God!) his bowels are still active and have not slowed down any more than usual.  He has been pretty uncomfortable today crying this morning and again when he woke from his nap and even now as he sleeps close by, I can hear him letting out little whimpers in his sleep.  It breaks my heart when he is sick but he is certainly getting lots of attention – a little too much for his liking.  We were suppose to take him to Omaha today for an appointment with the neurologist but chose to let him sleep instead.  Now that we have him on palliative care there isn’t anything new or pertinent we missed anyway with the doctor.  When he is ill I have to continuously place him back in the arms of God because we have been told many times over the years that it will only take one illness to send him over the edge and that has become my biggest worry and fear.  It’s very easy to let my mind slip to that dangerous place where I think of all the things that can go wrong and how lucky we have been so far to avoid any major events with him.  The battle for control of my mind rages at times like this and it takes everything in me to stay focused on God’s goodness and provision.  Tomorrow is a new day and I’m trusting my Faithful Father not only to bring healing to Ryan’s body but also to my mind.

Every day is a gift as so many of us have been reminded this week with the loss of John Clarke’s life.  And today I’m thankful for just that – the gift of today.  No matter what tomorrow looks like whether the sun shines or not, I’m gong to choose to be thankful for the blessings of health, family, friends and a warm place to call home.  Because at the end of the day it’s not about all I have accomplished but about trusting in a God who is so much bigger than what I can grasp.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ~ Matthew 11:29

 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. ~ Psalm 23