provision

So tomorrow is new job day for me. If some of you missed it, I am starting as a program specialist with HHS in the Medicaid and Long Term Care dept. This is a huge transition for us on several levels. First, I am completely leaving direct patient care and going administrative. I’m not sad about that at all and am really looking forward to this new perspective on healthcare. Second, I’m working Monday through Friday day hours which neither Travis nor I have ever done. With us both having 24/7 jobs – police officer and RN – we’ve both worked some crazy shifts. I’m very excited to have some routine in our lives and know it will be good for everyone. I’m even going to start my days out at the gym then shower there and head straight to work. Hello 5 am mornings! I’ve started to love my daily workouts already and have decided it’s time to take care of me. For years I’ve focused on everyone else and have completely neglected my health. I’ve always been an emotional eater – it all goes back to high school and my days getting treatment for depression and an eating disorder (I’m not ashamed to admit that because those experiences have helped shape me into the woman I am today). I did great for years but once Ryan came along and, well…stress made food my friend. This routine and structure in my day – and even in Travis’s day at home – will be good. I do have to say though how much Travis and I are both going to miss each other. Twelve hour shifts have allowed for a lot of time at home together while the older kids are in school. That’s really the hardest part of all this change. But God has provided this job and I really think it’s going to be a good thing.

If there is one thing I have learned in the past three months, it’s this. Our Heavenly Father loves us so very much that He will open and close doors in His timing, often when we least expect it. It’s because of His passionate love for us that He often moves us on to something bigger and better. But the journey to that next best thing is often painful and teaches long suffering. I can now look several months back and see how God pulled me out of my job in the ER because I needed a big slap in the face. I had become ugly. My heart was so ugly. That is hard to say but it’s truth. Quitting that job was painful but necessary. I’ve changed in ways I didn’t know I needed to change. And it’s been a good thing but full of uneasiness and plenty of opportunities to trust God’s provision. On my bathroom mirror this verse is taped where I can easily see it every day…Proverbs 16:3 –

Commit to the Lord whatever you do and He will establish your plans.

The Lord established my plans alright but it certainly wasn’t in my timing. And now I am grateful for the wait. For all the moments of nothingness. For all the days of no work and no pay check. Oh I worked but with inconsistent hours. Yes, I’m grateful for the days of need because we have been so humbled and blessed as we watched God provide. Just as the Israelites had manna fall from the sky, God’s provision for us came in the most unexpected ways – the blessing of an anonymous check in the mail (more than once), the cards and emails of encouragement and support, the balance in the checkbook that never made sense, the meals and groceries, the prayers of friends and strangers alike. This is not the first time God has provided in amazing ways and I’m guessing it won’t be the last. Travis and I hugged and praised God and cried in humility so many times in the past few months. I would be lying if I said I haven’t been amused by God’s creative provision. There is no better place to be than in complete reliance on God. Even now, as I have only had 32 hours of work in the past three weeks, I am not worried about paying bills or buying Christmas presents and groceries. God has proven Himself trustworthy and this is just a continuation of our trust. No He certainly doesn’t give us our wants but our needs are always met. It is a privilege to sit here and say I have experienced the greatest gift of all – reliance on Christ’s provision and the joy that comes when we give Him the glory in the midst of trying times. I wouldn’t trade these days for anything. Oh sure, I pray often that God will allow us to be on the giving side more often but I also truly believe that to be a good giver, you must first learn to be a very thankful and humbled receiver. Good days are ahead for sure, but no matter what my tomorrow’s look like, I know the love of my Savior. I know His sacrifice and eternal gift for each of us. I know His gentle hand on my life. And that is truly all I need.

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One thought on “provision

  1. Merry Christmas to you all.
    So you are busy working at a job. I know you kept busy at home. Praying for Ryan and you all. God Bless and have a wonderful time with your family growing up so fast.
    I leave today to go to Omaha with my oldest son and family.Be gone a week.
    Praying,
    Delores

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