This is from the back of Sunday’s church bulletin. It’s the older three kids, along with several others, enjoying Dare to Share a couple weeks ago.

And this little squirt discovered the dryer last week and had a great time watching the clothes go round and round and round. It’s the little things…..

The other day I saw a picture on facebook that I think everyone can relate to ~

Dear winter, I’m breaking up with you. I think it’s time I start seeing others seasons. Summer is hotter than you.

Now can’t we all relate to that? It was five degrees when I left the gym this morning and that’s a bit too cold for my liking. Everyone is complaining about the varying temps and frigid days; I’m just so grateful for the moments when I look outside and see the sun shining. But without this season of cold, we wouldn’t fully enjoy the entrance of spring when new life appears again. I happen to like the four seasons. There is something unique in each one to look forward to. It keeps things moving and changing. Each season brings such uniqueness to the mix just as every personality in a family makes a whole unit.

For us, this season means putting on our fight. I’m fighting our insurance company to cover a new medication for Ryan. It’s the newest seizure med and acts on different receptors in the brain than all the other seizure drugs. But insurance doesn’t want to cover it. Well they don’t know how stubborn and head strong this lady is and that I will fight to the death when I feel strongly about something. I do appeals for the state so I know how these go which makes me not at all uneasy about filing an appeal with our insurance. Basically that means my case – to get coverage for Fycompa – will go to a hearing, much like a mediation when people get divorced or fight over custody of their kids. It’s a quality of life issue at this point as it’s been for the past two years since Ryan’s last brain surgery. There isn’t anything else to do for Ryan but after the week he’s had, he needs this drug. It’s our only hope of getting some control over these seizures that are ravaging his body. And even if it only works for a couple months, I’ll take it. As I was typing the appeal letter and explaining why Ryan needs this drug, I listed all the seizure meds he has been on just to show them that we have tried everything we can and need this new drug. I listed 23 seizure drugs. Twenty three! People are considered a medical failure to seizure meds after trying only 3 or 4. But like I said in a previous post, how do we stop? How do we say enough when we still have fight left in us? When Ryan is still so full of life in spite of his seizures.

On Friday Ryan had a big seizure again that threw him to the floor. He spent the weekend refusing to walk on his left leg which made for a difficult weekend for everyone else because trying to carry 100 pounds of dead weight is not easy. Thank God for Travis and Brad who can handle his bulk. It’s not like we can tell Ryan to crawl wherever he wants to go; he doesn’t understand and it would be like giving directions to a 12 month old. That’s as easy and telling a rock to jump. Occasionally he would take a few steps and actually did a decent amount of walking on Saturday night but nothing was consistent. On Monday Travis and I took him to the doctor for xrays of his left leg and thankfully nothing is broken. He is now finally walking again although he’s spent all his time away from home in his wheelchair. Black eyes, sprains, bruises…it’s all becoming our new normal and I’m not liking it one bit. But I can’t put him in a bubble and there is nothing else to do. It’s frustrating and heartbreaking. Feeling helpless and out of control is not something most people are good at, and while these seizures that throw him to the ground and off of furniture are Ryan’s new normal, they still hurt this momma’s heart.

The older kids are all doing great and have registered for fall classes. I can hardly believe we will have two high schoolers next year and two in jr high. Boy has the time flown by. I’m so enjoying these teenage years in ways I never anticipated. I thought it would be much harder and frustrating, but I’m finding we simply get to enjoy the blessing of young adults who are engaging and fun. What a privilege.

Self control. It’s my word of the week. As I weigh in today, I’m grateful for the ability to learn from my failures, to grow from my weakness, to stretch in my fear of failure, to thrive in my victories. As Rick Warren said, “Self control is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. Over time your brain will make better choices more automatically. What will you intentionally do this week to implement this powerful principle?” We all need self control in areas of our lives. For me, eating is one of them. I’m not shy about it and have gotten over the “what will people think of me if I’m real and admit I’m an emotional eater?” thoughts. Because you know what? We all have weaknesses. We all have hidden hurts. We all have vices to cope. We all need self control. And we all have our own unique story to tell. I learned in my teen age years to deal with pain by eating. Or not eating depending on the season of my life. And after Ryan was born and the stress of his issues grew, that old familiar crutch of emotionally eating crept back into my life. So here I am in my early 40’s getting older by the day while trying to get my body to shrink. Add in my slow ride to menopause with my dropping estrogen levels, and it’s just a party in the making! I’m sure I could find a funny Erma Bombeck story on this if I looked. It’s harder than I wish it were but I’m getting there. One day at a time. One choice in self control after another. One small victory in hand. And what I’ve admitted to myself is this – eating out of emotion gets me no where but miserable. Because while that instant gratification feeds my mind, it does nothing for the issues of my heart. God calls us to self control. It’s a fruit of the Spirit and one He gives freely. We simply have to make the choice to put our own ambitions, selfish desires and inclinations toward instant gratification aside and press on to one good choice at a time. Whether you need self control for eating, like me, or for keeping pure thoughts or taming the tongue or managing your finances or staying patient or keeping your eyes from lust, self control is only one simple choice away. I love this from Billy Graham –

But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control….Galations 5:22-23
Christ can rid you of inner conflict. Man without God is always torn between two urges. His nature prompts him to do wrong, and his conscience urges him to do right. Antagonistic desires and crossed-up emotions keep him in a state of personal instability. Medical men have almost concluded that this conflict is the basis of much physical breakdown and nervous collapse. Many doctors now believe that among the contributing causes of the common cold are stress, tension, and inner conflict. Paul must have been in the midst of such a personal civil war when he cried, “O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of this death?” Then he answered his own question when he said, “I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord.”

Happy Wednesday everyone. You are loved!