When I was young, I would think to myself, “when I become an adult, life will be so easy”. I thought I had real life problems such as what felt like endless chores; getting in trouble when I cleaned my room by shoving everything into the closet or under the bed; having my best friend mad at me for 24 hours; not liking my hair; jealousy over my friends’ Hello Kitty backpacks and pencils; fighting with my sisters; having to try foods I was just sure I did not like; the list goes on and on. Don’t get me wrong; I was blessed with an intact family, lots of vacations, a stay at home mom, big houses, extended family close by, relaxing summers in our pool, and so much more. I only wish I realized at that age the depth of love and opportunity I carried.

And now that part of my life is only but memories in the worn backpack I carry on my journey. I had years of college and a push into adulthood that changed my belief life would get easier. Life pushed me into trials I was not prepared for or equipped to handle. My backpack did not get lighter, but I traveled along with others who lightened the load and walked with me. As the years marched on, the backpack I carried added new memories and some really hard seasons too.

I look back at my own children’s early years and wonder if like me, they also thought life would get easier when they became adults. I am thankful for those years as a stay at home mom; those years that passed too quickly. One minute the sun came shining into view with its beautiful array of colorful light, and with only a breath, it was setting with the rise of the expected, soothing moon. As the days so quickly passed, the memories made in its path were filled with wonder and inquisition, cheerful laughter, imaginations and some tough learning opportunities.

I remember the days of building forts; dirt and sand and rocks all over the floor; swinging and sliding; playing Hungry Hungry Hippo and Chutes & Ladders; loads of laughter reading books such as Captain Underpants and the Attack of the Talking Toilets; make up and fancy barrettes and painted nails; backyard football and volleyball; trying to catch bees with plastic grocery bags; sledding down the street behind dad on his 4wheeler; homemade cookies and lunch on the deck; pressing leaves between wax paper to proudly tape to the back door; playing “storm” in the basement bedroom; karaoke with friends; and waking to find Rudolph’s half eaten carrot on the deck every Christmas morning.

I also see the days of tears; “it’s not fair”; sitting on the naughty bench; the searing pain in my heart explaining we were not poor just because we did not have a two story house like their friends; teaching natural consequences; explaining missed opportunities do not define one’s life; comforting during loss, pain, unfairness, being left out; and fighting for another chance.

I often look back with gratitude for the opportunity to be a mom and the beautiful memories that fill my heart. The smiles and tears come as my heart tugs for one more day, one more chance to soak it all in; one more season to do things better, more, longer. My only hope is for my children to look back on those days and see a house full of love where they were cherished, prayed over, and attended to. Travis and I were not perfect parents by any stretch. I learned a perfect parent does not exist, but we did our very best with a lot of apologies and asking for forgiveness along the way. It is easy for my mind to drift. Did we spend enough time together? Did we do devotions and pray enough as a family? Did we put our kids first? Did we spend enough time around the table together?

And I have to remember this verse: Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. (Colossains 3:23)

Here I am, carrying my worn backpack into a new season of adult children, young grandchildren, growing older and facing the years to come, My most guarded, passionate prayer is for my own children to raise their children with a foundation built on faith in Jesus Christ, hard work, passion, and even more opportunities Travis and I tried so very hard to give our own children. And may they find laughter, a strong family bond, connections with friends to walk the journey with, the need to walk with Jesus every day, and the strength to guide their children through whatever is to come.

I hold fast to two of God’s promises…

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. (Psalm 27:13)

If the Lord delights in a man’s way, He makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand. I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging for bread…their children will be blessed. (Psalm 37:23-26)