a legacy of love

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I’ve been feeling crafty and made this wreath recently. I have another I made that hangs on the coat closet door. Sidney and I had fun working on these together and I look forward to more crafts with her; it’s the time together doing something we both enjoy that I really love. I also have a stack of old quilts my mom made years ago that need to be finished; every couple of years I pull them out but have not been ready to take on the task of finishing them. I’m sure part of it is the emotions and memories that surface when I hold the quilts in my hands. There is one in particular she made that will fit Sidney’s bed and I need to get some batting and the material for the back so I can finish it. I vividly remember sitting in my mom’s sewing room in Sioux Falls after she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and she started to lose her independence and ability to sew. We were talking about all her quilts and how much she loved this hobby she was very skilled at. I had always hoped my mom and I would get to spend hours in her quilting room as I got older. I dreamed of projects together, learning from her years of experience, grabbing pieces of her wisdom not only about quilts but life in general, chatting about raising kids, spilling my heart about concerns, exciting moments, sharing our hearts. Being together. And those hopes and dreams never became a reality because that awful disease stole them from us. I still miss her and all the moments she is missing. But I also understand that eternity is far greater than what my simple mind can hold, and I know the day will eventually come when we will be together again. She was making a quilt for my bed but was never able to finish it. I have that quilt top and my goal is to finish it by the end of winter so I can put it on my own daughter’s bed. It’s been safely tucked away in a basement closet for years now; I’m guessing she made it sometime between 1992 when I was in college and 1995 when she was diagnosed with MS. The years have become a blur but the memories with my mom sitting in her quilt room, teaching me to quilt and helping me make one of my own – my first – that I gave to Travis the Christmas we were engaged, talking her ear off and laughing together as she sewed and crafted. Those are years my heart holds on to so tightly. I may not have my mom at my side anymore, but the memories live on. She was a beautiful woman, and I get to carry on so much of her joy. She had a lot of it in spite of the fact she had to live the last three plus years of her life in a nursing home because MS robbed her of her ability to walk and take care of herself and caused some dementia. This quilt I plan to finish soon will keep my own daughter warm and cozy as she snuggles in her bed, but more importantly to me, it also carries memories and a legacy of love. My sweet mom spent hours upon hours making this quilt; it is a reminder of a mother’s love being carried on from one generation to another.

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Christmas is in the air at our house as in most others as well. The tree is brightly lit, the ornaments hung, the decorations moved around and finally settled in their place, family plans are being finalized. Thanksgiving has come and gone; it was a great weekend with lots of family. And for us, Travis is on antibiotics for bronchitis and is having a hard time getting over it; Ryan has been sick for the past couple of days with low grade fevers that come and go. He has been sleeping a ridiculous amount of time and has not been very interactive but this is all normal when he is not feeling well. And now Sidney is coughing a lot, feels short of breath and has a low grade fever. I’m sure she needs a trip to the pediatrician so I may have to take her and Ryan this afternoon. Trevor is doing well, hopefully will stay well and has nothing new going on. And Brad is very excited for his birthday on Wednesday. He turns 16 and is excited for his new freedom. We bought him a car yesterday and I am very much looking forward to him being able to drive. I always thought I would dread this day and while it is a little nerve wracking thinking of my child being out on the road, I have to place him in God’s hands and remember that is where he belongs. I think back to one of my tried and true favorite verses ~

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It’s also very exciting to realize my days of driving him to and from school, friends and church are over. I’m thrilled to have another driver in the house am certain he will be doing some chauffeuring for Travis and me.

One more thing. Travis, Ryan and I headed back to Omaha this past week and spent some time talking with Dr M, Ryan’s epileptologist. There is a national epilepsy conference at the end of this week he is attending, and he did say they are rolling out a new drug that works differently than most other drugs and maybe we should try it. It’s kind of like trying to find the needle in the haystack with Ryan but if this drug has any hope of working, giving Ryan even a couple months of relief from some of this seizure monster’s power than attacks constantly with little reprieve, then it’s worth a try. It’s certainly not going to cure him or give him any long term benefits, but even a few months of suppressing some of the seizures is worthwhile. So we wait for the doctor to come back and let us know what he finds about this drug. Every day is a gift for all of us. Just because Ryan has a diagnosis, no cure and continuing slow progression of his unknown disease doesn’t mean his days are any more numbered than the rest of us. We all should be counting our blessings, holding loved ones close, taking time to laugh, sharing joy and appreciating the little things every single day. Life is for the living and every one of us has something to give others. Every breath counts. Every moment a gift. I don’t want to ever look back and say “if only I had ____”. God promises us this moment and for that I am thankful. For eternity I am grateful. Today is a blessing and no matter what comes, I know my Savior is faithful and His plans are so very good.

We pray you are all safe and blessed. Much love!

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2 thoughts on “a legacy of love

  1. I was gone last week so finally getting answers to the sites on the computer. What great thoughts you shared of your Mom. I could kick myself for not learning to cook from her and sew. I worked in the fields when my brothers got married and had to help my Dad. My grandma quited but not my Mom.
    God Bless.
    Delores

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