weary

What a day. I took Sidney to her volleyball tournament at 7 am this morning and at 11 I left for Omaha to meet with the home health nurse and bring Ryan and Travis home. On my way Travis called and said Ryan started throwing up again. I cried the entire way to Omaha; I’m sure the people who passed me must have thought I was a crazy lady sobbing and screaming as I was driving down the interstate. I just had to get it all out and was not even prepared myself for the emotions that were streaming out of me. Long story short, we are back to square one. Thank God the nurse had not pulled his PICC yet so he will start back on TPN (IV nutrition) at 8 pm tonight and is not getting anything though his stomach. On Monday the gastroenterologists are supposed to be doing an EGD and colonoscopy so they can see from both ends what is going on in Ryan’s digestive tract. No one has any idea why he is unable to move forward. So it looks like we’ll be keeping residence at Children’s Hospital for a while. Travis needs to be at the office on Monday to tie up loose ends, turn in his lap top and cell phone, finish everything up.  I know it’s going to be a very rough day for him as he deals with that also knowing his son is going through tests in Omaha.  I just can’t describe how weary we are right now.  I was screaming at God in the car today saying “I’m so TIRED!  Where is your mercy?”  over and over again.  Since January 29th when Travis broke his foot, he and I have not slept in the same bed.  And since February 6th when Ryan had brain surgery, all six of us have slept under the same roof only twice.  We are all weary, all exhausted, all stressed.  It’s hard for Travis and me to be strong for each other, much less for our sweet kids who have to endure all this too.  They are also worried about their brother and it’s hard for them to take it all in and understand what’s going on.  Travis is with Ryan until Sunday evening then we will trade places and I will stay til Tuesday night.  I have to work Wednesday and Thursday nights so we’ll trade places again.  It’s going to be a very hectic week and who knows what will happen after Monday with Ryan but we would appreciate your prayers.  I was so hoping this was going to be a positive, upbeat post saying how grateful we are to all be together at home again but obviously God has other plans. I know his word is true and he can still be trusted to do what he says he will do but man is it hard to keep believing sometimes.  It takes everything in me to say that after the events of this past week and where we are right now, I am still going to praise you and give you the glory.  But that’s what God asks of us so I will keep believing even though I am weary.  I don’t expect to know anything else with Ryan until Monday; until then he will get all his medications and nutrition through the IV and hopefully rest.  I’m sure his poor little stomach feels better now.  Thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers.

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weary

One thought on “weary

  1. Ryan looks like he is getting some quality rest/sleep! So sweet too. His face looks like it has filled out some or maybe it’s just the angle of his head. I understand the two of you being so completely exhausted. God is walking with you, not the cause. “God is…. our protector, caretaker, and guide through the wilderness, darkness, and into the light.” Psalm 46, 90, 91 are great reference points. I’m continuing prayers for all of you.

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